


Impurities

by melitta4ever



Series: Pure [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Biblical References, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-04 15:41:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4143273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melitta4ever/pseuds/melitta4ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before and during 4.22. AT in which Winchester boys are fighting against Lilith together. Includes dark memories from Dean’s past, Sam’s remorse, a fearsome army Lilith trying to bring to earth and an unexpected help the boys receiving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All things considered

**Author's Note:**

> Continuing story transfer. This one published on Septetmber'11. I am actually not too happy how I wrote it, but I like this lore a lot, so...
> 
> This story line shares Hendrickson’s assumption on how daddy Winchester treated their kids. So if you are a big John W. fan, this might not be your cup of tea.

**_Season 1, Episode 14: Nightmare_ **

**_SAM:_ ** _Well, he could’ve gone a whole ‘nother way after Mom. A little more tequila, a little less demon-hunting, and we would’ve had Max’s childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay—thanks to him. (DEAN pauses.)_ ****__  
  
DEAN: _All things considered._

 

* * *

 

 

The door opened very slowly but it was enough to wake young Dean Winchester up. His sleep was always light when he was alone with his little brother; _gotta protect Sammy_. He got tense under his blanket, grasped the blade under the pillow and tried to see the intruder in stealth mode. He let go of the blade when he recognized the dark silhouette. Apparently he was back from the hunt. It had been a while, almost three months, since Dean had the last late night _visit_. He had assumed it was over for good. But the very presence of the 200 pounds’ adult combined with the heavy smell of tequila proved otherwise.

Dean was not sure if he could overpower him again, like he had done the last time. He was not a kid anymore, he was strong... _Yeah, right!_ He knew that the last time he was just plain lucky; apparently too high alcohol/blood ratio could affect even the best hunters. Assuming that it could happen again would be naive if not foolish. And this time Sam was not staying with Pastor Jim; he was sleeping in the bed next to his. There was no way fighting his way out of this _visit_ without waking up his brother.

Dean shot his eyes tight, barely breathing, trying to think an action plan but failing miserably. The panic was overtaken him. It was inevitable; he knew. The only thing he could do now was trying to relax. He started counting the creatures he had hunted –OK, helped hunting- chronologically; starting with his very first hunt, 25 years old ghost of a house wife in Craig, Colorado. Her husband had killed her by accident(!) and she had been taking revenge on every man who happened to drink some booze and hapless enough to got close to her old house. Typical salt and burn. The second, Rawhead in Worland, Wyoming; that monster had killed 4 kids by the time they could catch it. Electrocution. The third, Chatham, Virginia; ghost of a butcher. It was the most disgusting hunt Dean had ever been, he ended up covered with animal blood and entangled in pig intestine. Disgusting! Another salt and burn but they had to figure out where the guy’s missing arm was, thus not so typical …

Dean stopped counting. His blanket was supposed to be lifted by now. The curiosity overcame his fear and he slightly opened his eyes to peek around. No one was next to his bed. So, had he left? Dean turned his head very slowly to check the rest of the room. Nope, he was still in the room; but standing next to Sam’s bed instead; watching the sleeping youngster. Dean’s heart started to beat extremely fast and loud. He tried to comprehend the situation. Sam?! Was he planning to _visit_ Sam!? No! Not him!

The horror he felt turned into a blast of anger in less than a second when he saw the strong arm reaching for Sam’s blanket. Without thinking, Dean bolt from the bed and caught the arm before it could touch his kid brother. He saw the surprise in the drunken eyes; but it lasted very short, turning into infuriation immediately. Before he could even realize, Dean’s arm was caught and painfully bended on his back by a tight grip which was impossible to loosen. But Dean held his ground. There was no way he would let him _visit_ his brother. Sam was just a kid for God’s sake!

“No, sir! I won’t let you.” Dean dared to whisper. He received only a cocky half smile. The smile, being brutally cold, could have frozen Dean’s blood if the worry for his brother was not blocking all his other senses. Sam was in danger and everything else got to be on hold. He did not take his eyes from the man’s bloodshot ones; trying to give his most determined, toughest look.

“You’re in no position to ‘let me’ do anything, boy.” the man answered, sharp and tenacious. No room for discussion. He added “Go to sleep. Now!”

Dean was aware of his chances; his lack of chance to be exact. There was no way he could stop the older man by brute force. No way. Dean was a great fighter for a 15 years’ old; very agile, strong. But he was nothing compared to the guy who taught him everything. Yet, there was no fucking way he was going to let his baby brother go through this nightmare. No fucking way!

“Go to sleep son; this is an order.” said John, thrusting his older son into his bed.

The lack of patience in the voice hit Dean’s stomach like a punch. What was he supposed to do now? John could beat the hell out of him and continue to do whatever he had in mind. Yes, his father was drunk –he would not be _visiting_ if he was not, he would never- but not enough to pass out easy; only enough to make him _visit_. And Dean would not be any help for his brother if beaten to a pulp which would be the exact outcome under the current condition -if they engaged into a fight.

‘ _Think, God damn it, think!’_ Dean forced himself silently; ‘ _It’s no time to panic!’_

When he saw his dad was going towards Sam’s bed again, Dean made his decision. He rushed between them and hugged the man, his hands caressing the large body. Whispered to his ears as seductive as he could be.

“Please sir, I wanna come with you… to your room. Please?” He might not be strong enough, but he knew he was fucking pretty. Still. Hell, he was reminded of his allure every single day. He might not be a little boy anymore, but he was told –so many fucking times- that he had a face of an angel. Still.

The older man eyed him carefully, an amused grin dripping from his lips.

“You sure? Last time you said you’ll never let me touch you again. Actually, ‘I’ll kill you if you touch me again’ was your exact words.”

“I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again… ever.” replied Dean, leaning his head to the broad chest. He made sure his breath flew through the guy’s sweaty neck and added, while rubbing himself over the older man’s crotch hoping to secure a positive respond, “Just... let’s not wake Sammy up, sir. Please.”

There was no answer, only a tight grip on his neck dragging him out of the room.

Dean tried not to panic when he was thrown to his father’s bed. He hit his head to the headboard, hard; but there was no regret or sympathy in the older hunter’s eyes. And that really scared the boy. His dad was angry; OK, angrier than his usual, drunk, _visiting_ self.

“You know you deserved a punishment; right, boy?” John asked; his drunken eyes had a creepy spark in them. “A punishment long due.”

“Yes sir.” Dean answered, barely audible. He had learned it through hard way that it would only be worse if he tried to resist or object or anything else other than complete submission.

“You think so high of yourself, aren’t you boy. You think you can take me? You think you can disobey me and deceive me, huh! I’ll show you your value now, so that you’ll learn your damn place and think twice before you disobey a direct order.”

“Yes sir.” Dean was scared, very scared. It was not that he had not been _punished_ before; he had, almost every month. But, punishments had been only for some stupid, small mistakes which were actually mere excuses. There was never a reason to make his father really angry at Dean; Dean made sure of it. He made sure all the orders were realized to the point; except for that one time in Fort Douglas… Dean shivered with the memory; did not want to remember that adversity; the first punishment. And now, he made his father really angry; again after all these years. He only hoped it would not be as bad as Fort Douglas. But he also knew he had to pay for that last fight with his father, for the disobedience and threat. Why did he threaten him, why?

“Please sir…” pleaded Dean, without knowing what he was begging for.

“Don’t open your mouth, unless you’re asked to!” John growled.

Dean kept his mouth shot. His father was angry alright; no need to fan the flames. All he could do now was to wait, wait till the anger to fade away or the man to pass out; whichever would come first.

“Take your shirt off” John ordered.

Dean compiled as fast as he could. And seeing his father was removing his belt, he understood the next move. He kneeled down next to the bed and rested his head against it without waiting the order. And started counting the hunts he had helped. First, Craig, Colorado…

When he was back to his bed it was close to dawn. He was damn tired, and his whole body was in pain, in grim agony. He knew his back was bloody; his shirt was stuck to his body. But the pain in his ass was overshadowing the rest; he could barely manage to walk. Determined to never make his father angry again, he pushed himself under his blanket face first and sought for the sleep to calm his body, his soul. It was only then that he realized his brother was up, staring at him.

“Sammy?!” Dean asked; his breath was hardly enough to whisper. But there was no answer. Sam got up and moved to his brother’s bed slowly. He sat next to him never taking his hazel eyes off Dean. Dean did not know what to think, too tired to think. How long was his brother up? Did he know what was going on? Was he scared…? But before Dean could gather his strength and ask the questions filling his head, Sam’s face started to change. It was deforming, reforming and growing.

“Sam?” He asked again with adrenalin pumping into his blood stream; trying to rise up over his elbows. Sam was no longer that cute 11 years’ old boy. He was a grown up, a big man; he was freaking gigantic! But somehow Dean knew he was his brother. He was Sam; but the look on his face was cold and scary; different. Dean panicked when the eyes staring at him turned to pitch black.

“Sam, no! No!” His voice was cracked and hoarse due to the panic. There was no way he could yell loud enough to reach his father. Even if he could, John was long passed out in his sweat and cum tainted bed. There was no way that the hunter could wake up anytime soon. Dean was alone, tired and already –literally- fucked up. There was no way he could pull a fight.

The old-Sam got close enough for Dean to recognize the lust in the black eyes. He held the effete boy tight and lay down over him. Dean saw blood was dripping from Sam’s teeth. Whose blood was it? Was it his blood, when did he suck his blood? Something was wrong, definitely wrong! No, no! This was not how it had happened; Dean remembered now. Sam, the little Sam, his kid brother, had come to his bed and hugged him and helped him to sleep. He had not ceased hugging his older brother till Dean woke up the next day. It was not supposed to be like this. No, not like this. This was a nightmare. Yes, it had to be a nightmare. He had to wake up.

‘ _Wake up, Dean! Wake up’_ he chanted inside his head. But, just… could not. He was suffocating under the giant body. And he felt an enormous hand pushing into his underwear.

“No, no. Noooo!”

<><><> 

“Dean! Dean… wake up.” Sam touched slightly on his brother’s pillow, careful not to have a physical contact. Dean was having a nightmare, and it was not one of those that Dean brought back from hell; Sam was in it. He knew that for sure when his brother covered his eyes just not to see Sam’s face. It always took some time for Dean to look at his brother after _those_ nightmares. So, Sam knew. He knew that Dean saw himself raped by his blood thirsty younger brother. Again.

“It’s just a nightmare Dean. Everything is alright.” he only had cliché words to offer. He could not touch his brother, let alone hug him. Not right after the nightmare, not while Dean was avoiding even his gaze, keeping his eyes under his scarred arm. Sam’s eyes locked on the scars. They took a damn long time to heal; the indubitable evidence of his greatest sin.

Dean wanted to say something, to get rid of the horror inside him, divert his thoughts; but could not. His heart was beating so hard that it was impossible to focus. He hated these dreams; hated waking up scared shitless, hated the guilt in Sam’s look, hated how he could not even look at his only brother. He knew it was not exactly Sam’s fault. Poor chap had been under a spell – a spell gone seriously wrong. And it was over now, Sam was his old self. Even the priestess, who originally had not gotten close to Sam unless he had been literally chained, had said so. And Dean knew that his brother was killing himself with remorse. He hated constantly reminding him his past transgressions; but could not help the nightmares or the terror he felt afterward.

Sam broke the silence, “We’re gonna make Lilith pay, Dean. For every pain she caused. Don’t worry.” pretending as if he assumed it was a nightmare from Dean’s time in hell. “We’re gonna find the bitch and I’m gonna cut her throat myself.” Sam needed this anger in him; otherwise he was going to fall deep in the remorse and most probably would take his brother with him.

Dean did not respond. He had nothing good to say. He already had lost his hope of finding Lilith or stopping the seal breaking or going back to their old lives or simply being OK. He lost all his hopes. But sharing his broken world with his brother was not going to help either one of them. So, he agreed with his brother, nodding his head.

Sam felt his brother’s despair. It was impossible to miss even if he had not known Dean like the back of his hand. They had no leads for Lilith or the seals. There were small demonic omens here and there; some jobs to pass the day but nothing else. The angels were not showing up; and even if they did, Sam was not sure how the things would be between them after what happened with Cass. And Ruby was off limits after the cleansing ritual. Dean probably would kill her the moment he saw her; maybe Sam should do the same, even if it was only to make his brother happy. It was only the two of them now, and Bobby of course. Although they were hell of hunters, Lilith proved that she was a bigger bite than they could swallow. Still, Sam could not let go. Not after everything they had been through… Dean had been through. He was not joking about killing that bitch. Even if it was the last thing he would do, he was going to kill her. But right now, his brother needed him.

“Wanna go for a ride?”Sam asked, absent of any better idea to offer.

“What? It’s… it’s like 3am?”

“So…? You’re not sleeping. I’m not either. We could watch infomercials and drink some booze or-”

“Let’s go.” Dean liked the idea of driving his baby. He liked the idea of driving her with his brother even more. Even after that horrifying dream, feeling Sam close by soothed him.

After driving about half an hour, Dean stopped the car in the middle of nowhere. It was peacefully quite. The weather was nice; a soft breeze was blowing between the trees. Dean looked at his brother; Sam understood the request without a word. He got out of the car and grabbed two cold beers from the trunk. They both lay on the hood of the Impala side to side, and drank their beer quietly watching the stars.

After the second beer Sam slid his head closer to Dean’s till their hair was slightly mingled over the windshield; but he was careful not to actually touch. He inhaled his brother’s familiar scent in, very slowly; did not want Dean to realize what he was doing, did not want to bother him or scare him. But he needed this closeness. His heart ached constantly with the longing that he could no longer get close to his only brother as he used to. No more hugs, hand jokes, wrestling or tussling… It had been a month since that horrible day; the day he had broken his brother, the invincible Dean Winchester. It still broke his heart even though Dean -being the most wonderful big brother ever- had actually forgiven him; or at least, he was putting hell of an act. If it was not for Dean’s forgiveness and his need for his younger brother, Sam had probably killed himself on the general principle of punishing his brother’s tormentor. He remembered the first time he had learnt –felt, lived- his father’s abuse on his big brother. He had felt Dean’s pain, the hopelessness, despair, helplessness… At that time, he would have killed John without blinking an eye if the man was not already dead. And, not a week later, he had proved that he was indeed his father’s son. Maybe he should have done it, one bullet in his head and...

“Sammy?”

Dean’s voice brought him back to the present.

“Hmm?”

“You’re grinding your teeth, dude. Calm down a little or we’ll need to search for a dentist in the middle of the apocalypse.”

Sam puzzled, was he grinding his teeth? Now? So much for keeping his burden away from his brother!

“Sammy…”

Sam looked at his brother, waiting.

Dean continued; his eyes glued to the stars above them, “Thank you, man. This… tonight, I mean…is nice.”

And without waiting his brother’s response he closed the tiny gap between their heads; leaning his head on his brother’s, after gently rubbing their temples together. Sam felt his heart swelled with the tenderness of the act. He just shut his eyes and immersed himself in the blessing of the moment.

<><><> 

Sam got in their room, his hands full with the junk food.

“I got the pie, dude!”

Dean was not sleeping as Sam had thought he would; but shoving their stuff in the duffel bag.

“Dean?”

“Bobby called. Some signs… another seal is about to ‘pufff’...”

“Where we going?”

“Sweet home Alabama!” replied Dean, humming Lynyrd Skynyrd’s famous song.

Sam grimaced with the sudden realization of what their soundtrack was going to be for this trip.

When they settled in the car Sam asked the rest of the questions.

“So, what’s it this time?”

“Oh, this time it’s biiiiiiiig.”

“Cut the crap Dean, come clean already.” Sam knew Dean was enjoying this, keeping his younger brother in the dark, keeping him wondering, begging. Perks of being the big brother, Dean would say.

“Just trying to ease you into the news.” Dean answered with a stupid grin on his face. He checked his brother with one eye and continued after seeing that very familiar frustration. “Ready? The news is from Anna by the way. Apparently Lilith is bringing new playmates.” He paused for few seconds to emphasize the magnitude of his disclosure. “Gog and Magog!”

“What?” Sam could not hide his surprise; as much as he wanted to avoid giving his brother this satisfaction.

“Told you it’s big!” Dean’s grin got impossibly wider.

“You telling me they are real.”

“Anna and Bobby think so… so, yeah; they gotta be.”

Both brothers sank into their thoughts. After a while Sam broke the silence.

“It’s good to have someone else in our side, huh? I wonder where she had been all this time.”

Dean shrugged his shoulders. His trust in the angles was really shaken after they caught Cass trying to free Sam from the panic room.

“I don’t know. I quit trying to understand angels, man; they’re impossible.”

<><><> 

After the long drive Dean could only find enough patience to strip his clothes before getting into the cheap motel bed. At least this one smelled nice; very faint, some kind of lilacy detergent scent. He gave one short gaze to his brother, seeing him settled on the desk in front of his laptop.

“Way to go Sammy. Finish all the research before I wake up, OK?”

“Sleep already… Jerk!”

“Bitch!”

And Dean slept, with a grin on his face. Sam stared at that grin for a while. It has been a long time he saw his brother like this... happy. Yes, he was happy; he was grinning, joking, smiling... Sam was glad for Dean; but he was a little bit jealous too. He wanted to be the one who helped Dean, to be the reason behind his smile, his happiness. But nothing he had tried jolt him into this state, and boy, had he tried. Suddenly, with a big hunt, Dean transformed back into his old self; almost. Sam was suspecting whether this change was due to the help of a specific angel whom Dean had shared a little intimacy while back. And as much as he wanted not to acknowledge it, the very idea was blurring his heart with jealousy. He preferred to believe that Dean was happy now because there was one more ‘creature’ in their crusade against Lilith and not because ‘who’ the creature actually was. Was he, was he jealous of Anna? Damn!

Sam sighed deeply looking at his brother’s relaxed features. Who cared what the reason was? Why would he be jealous of a girl/angel/creature/whatever anyway? He wanted Dean to be happy. God! He needed him to be happy. And if he could not succeed on the task, he would welcome anyone who could; right? Right. So, if Dean was going to feel better with whomever/whatever, Sam would go snatch them and bring to his brother… gladly. He would do anything to see this blissful smile on this pretty face… anything. And now, he was going to do the research as Dean had asked.


	2. Different

**_Season 1, Episode 18: Something Wicked_ **

**_DEAN: .... “_ ** _But he, uh—he looked at me different, you know—which was worse. Not that I blame him. He gave me an order, and I didn’t listen. I almost got you killed.”_

* * *

 

 

“I’m sorry son. I’m so sorry Dean.” John kept saying the same things over and over.

Dean, waking up to those words, was not quite sure what was going on. He could hardly hear his father at first; he was in so much pain. A hunt went wrong?

“I love you Dean, you know that right. I love you boy. I’d never... I’ll never…Son, please wake up…”

Dean tried to open his eyes. He could; but only one of them and only slightly. He saw his father’s face over him. He could not see him clearly but he knew; it was him.

“Dean! Thank God you’re awake.”

“Dad?” He tried to say, but he could not make any sound; his throat was so dry it felt like it was stuck together. The more he was coming to his senses, the more pain he was feeling; everywhere. He hurt everywhere. His face, ribs, back, stomach, knees, arms, legs and his... his ass?? He was going to lose himself in darkness again but realized there was water on his dried lips. He let couple of drops in. Damn, he was thirsty; so thirsty. He hardly swallowed the drops and let some more water in, then tried to force his eyes open again. His dad was trying to make him eat something? He cannot eat anything now.

“Painkillers, Dean. Can you swallow them?”

No, he could not; he barely managed the water to go down. He tried to say no. Still no voice. Tried to shake his head. Wrong move! Pain… so much pain. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

“Dean, don’t sleep. You had… you had… blows to the head. I want you to stay awake for a little while OK? Please, son… Can you do that?”

Dean knew the deal with concussions. So he had to stay awake and live through this pain. He could do it; that was his training, that was how he had been raised. He would do it.

“Try to swallow the pain killers, son. I need to tend to your wounds and… it’ll… I don’t want you to… I… I am so sorry, Dean. God, I’m so sorry, boy.”

His father was crying?! John Winchester was crying?! And over some God damn painkillers?! He would swallow them alright. He opened his mouth. Fuck! His lips were hurt too. What was the hunt God damn it? A werewolf? Why did he not remember being on a hunt?

He felt the pill on his tongue. John held the back of his head to raise him, and made him to drink some more water. It was a hard job, felt like the pill was scratching his throat all the way down to his stomach; but he could manage to swallow it. And the water was nice. He was resisting to the urge of dozing off when he felt the ice pack his father placing on his ribs. Cold! But he did not say anything, he knew the drill. And it kind of felt better, numbed the pain. Another ice back was on his face, over his left eye. So, that had to be the reason he could not open that eye.

“Dean?”

He mumbled something; hoping his father could understand it as a yes.

“Dean, I need to tend your wounds now. OK? I’m just gonna clean them. OK? ”

He could manage another mumble. He already knew this, why did his dad keep repeating himself? He felt a pair of hands was opening his legs. That was when he realized he was completely naked. With no reason, a sudden, strange feeling rose inside him, a mixture of panic, horror, nausea… The hands pushed his feet towards his body, bending and raising his knees; they found their way between his butt cheeks. He shivered with the feeling of a cold cloth, possibly soaked in alcohol, passing on and between his thighs. The burning sensation followed the coldness everywhere the gauze touched. He must have had scratches all over. He did not whimper over the pain; determined to keep his mouth shut and to take it as a man. He was not going to be a baby now. Then the gauze found his asshole causing a complete pain overload… God! That hurt! That hurt so fucking bad! A strong cry rose from Dean. Apparently, the throbbing white hot pain could resurrect his lost voice.

“No.. No.. Dad, please. No.” His voice was barely audible through his clenched teeth. He was ashamed that he was begging; but could not help. The pain was intolerable.

“I’m so sorry Dean.” John was still crying, Dean could tell. “I have to clean it up, or it’s gonna get infected. Son; I am sorry.”

The pain brought some memories back. He still did not remember the creature they were hunting but he could remember the attacks from the fight. The strong, brutal blows. And something more, something worse. He remembered his face had been held down to floor, his mouth was covered with some giant hand. He could hardly breathe since his nose had been full with snot, tears and probably blood. He remembered the panic of suffocation and that horrible pain; very similar to the one he was feeling on his ass right now; only deeper and worse. Oh, so much worse…

“I’m gonna put some analgesic cream. OK? It’s gonna be alright.”

But Dean knew that it was not going to be alright, not by a long shot. Suddenly his stomach became determined to get rid of its contents. He tried swallowing it back; he was in so much pain to be able to vomit right now. Then he felt something warm on his lips. John was trying to make him drink something.

“Drink it as much as you can, Dean. It’s gonna help your stomach.”

Dean tried, really tried. But the smell was not helping. Not the smell of the drink though. Something else... Some other scent was filling his nostrils and provoking his stomach. He was confused and disoriented, could not understand his own senses. After drinking couple of gulps, his father finally let his head down to the pillow. Whatever it was, the drink helped him a little. And he did remember that smell. It was his father’s; a distinct mix of gunpowder, leather and tequila. He had sensed the same smell when that hand had been over his mouth. It had been there to keep him quite. It was John’s... No, no… It was impossible; he was just confused. He was too tired, in too much pain and naturally confused.

He felt a little bit better now that he was under the blanket; being not so naked, so exposed. Thanks to the analgesic cream, that excruciating pain in his ass was dimming slowly; but only to make the deeper pain in his rectum to become pronounced. With the new sensation of the pain, new memories crowded his mind. He remembered the merciless intrusion into his… his… The realization came with the humiliation. He had been fucked in the ass. No, raped actually. Like… like in that movie that John had caught him watching last month. He had not suspected that it would actually hurt this much. The blonde woman in the movie had looked like she was enjoying it, after the initial fight(!) she had put. OK Dean was not sure if she looked like actually enjoying it but she definitely did not look like she was in any pain, let alone this much pain. Dean had enjoyed watching the damn thing. He had cum three times during the short span he could watch, and there was no telling how many more he could have done it if his father had not caught him in the middle of the movie. But his personal experience was nothing like that. There was so much pain, so much…

He did not want to remember any more but he did not know how not to do. The memories were streaming full speed. He remembered how he begged… He remembered whom he begged too. Suddenly he could not breathe; his heart was missing couple of the beats too; at least felt like it. He went through a seizure, hurting every single bone in his body.

“Dean! Breathe son. Breathe! Please…” John was caressing his hair, trying to sooth him.

Dean did not want him to touch his body. He felt nauseous every time that hand got closer. But could not stop it, could do nothing. Sheer nothing. He was weak, helpless and pathetic. After a while, his heart went back to the regular pace.

“I’m sorry Dean. Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ll never lose it again. Never… never…” John was now crying openly and loud.

Dean remembered everything now. How angry his dad had been when he found the Shtriga over Sam’s body. How much he had drank waiting for Sam to wake up and how drunk he had ended up. How he kept scolding Dean. How furious he became when Dean talked back to him. Dean would never talk back to his father, never tell such things; but he was upset, and felt guilty. Guilt makes people do crazy things, you know. He would never question his father otherwise, never. He would never ask how come John had left two of them alone while there was a creature in town going after kids, after sibling like Sammy and him. He would never accuse his father; never tell him if something had happened to Sammy it would be his fault; never... But, he was in despair. Sam was lying unconscious because of Dean and there was nothing he could do.

Dean had had his fair share of spanking before, but nothing like the first blow his father struck him today. Or was it yesterday? He flew with the power of the slap and hit the wall. When he looked at his father, the only thing he saw in those drunk, bloodshot eyes was anger. He hardly heard him saying stuff like ‘My fault, huh?!’ and more blows kept coming. No slaps anymore, but hard punches and savage kicks. Dean could not protect himself against such rage. He kept begging; but probably begging made it worse. John was asking him something -now he figured that his father had been asking him to ‘ _shut the fuck up’_ \- but Dean could not register the words at that time. Now that he could remember, his dad also had asked something in the line of ‘ _don’t cry like a stupid bitch’_ and…

He came back to the present with the cold water at his lips and John’s voice.

“Drink more, son. A little bit more.”

Fear filled Dean’s heart. He tried to drink as much as he could; did not want to make him angry again. But his lips were trembling too much. Could not keep the water inside his mouth; it kept dripping down to his chest.

“Shhh... It’s all right Dean. It’s gonna be alright. I promise; it’s gonna be alright.”

Dean tried, tried really hard but could not keep his tears from falling one after another. He did not want to _cry like a stupid bitch_ again, he did not want to anger his father anymore. But… just… could not help it. The sobs kept escaping between his lips.

XXX

“Dean, Dean wake up. It’s a nightmare. You’re here, you’re safe.”

Dean woke up realizing he was crying in his sleep. He met with Sam’s worrying, sorry eyes.

“I’m OK. Just a nightmare.” Dean tried to pull himself together, and changed the subject immediately, “You found anything on the new players.”

Sam gave his brother the ‘you serious’ look; but answered the question nevertheless.

“So much lore about Gog & Magog… In Revelation, it says Satan’ll gather them for the battle and ‘ _In number they are like the sand on the seashore_ ’”.

“Cheery… any other good news?”

“They’re mentioned in Quran too: ‘ _They will descend from every high ground_.’ I guess one thing is for sure: there are gonna be boatloads of them.” And without any sarcastic remarks coming from his brother Sam continued, “Early Christians believed that they’re Romans, later Huns and Khazars.”

“So Lilith’s bringing gladiators to the game?” Dean said while shoving the leftover pizza into his mouth.

“Not funny Dean.” Sam replied, but he was genuinely happy that his brother got out of the nightmare mood right away.

“So, the only thing you found is that they are scary warriors, which we already knew?”

“One more thing: One story goes that they were imprisoned behind iron and copper once upon a time.”

“How? Their number’s like sand in the ocean apparently.”

“I don’t know. These holly books aren’t better than a mute spirit when it comes to telling something strait.”

“Amen to that!”

“Thank God Bobby and Anna will meet us there. We’re gonna need as much help as possible.”

“Anna is coming too?”

Sam looked at his brother, trying to judge the older hunter’s feelings.

“You still… you know… the angel cake business.”

“Come on Sammy! Give me a break.” But after a short pause he added with a large grin. “But it doesn’t mean that I don’t wonder how it would be, you know, with the wings and all.” And after gazing vacantly with a sheepish smile, he added, “Do you think she would glow that incredible white when she hit the big ‘O’?”

“Dean! You are disgusting!”

XXX

Anna looked a little bit different. Dean could not put a finger on it exactly; but she was different. Her hair still flowing over her shoulders like red waves; the same way it had. Her lips were the same shade of pink, even her scent was the same; except she was not… the same. The coldness that Dean was now very familiar with -thanks to their time with Cass- was probably the main reason; though Anna was not as awkward as the angel in the trench coat. And the missing sparks on her eyes... Yes. Dean could tell that she was no longer a human. And becoming an angel was not a step-up in Dean Winchester’s book.

“Lilith is not here but her minions are trying to do her dirty work. I am not sure about their number but they can be many.” Anna continued her briefing.

“Do you know how to stop them, Gog and Magog?” Sam asked.

“We can’t. No one can. We gotta stop it before the seal’s broken. Gog and Magog… they are fearless, fierce, unstoppable warriors. They’ll kill anyone and anything standing before them. I’m talking about a city going down with its entire residents in a single day.”

Everyone was silent after Anna’s explanation. And it was always Dean’s job, breaking the uncomfortable silence:

“So, we’ll kill the demons before they break the seal, right?”

“We got to seal the door they are trying to open too. Lilith can send more and more demons to open that gate.”

“Wait, wait…” Bobby jumped in. “There is an actual, physical gate?”

“Yes.” Said Anna matter of factly. “The demons trying to open a gate to release Gog and Magog” The silent ‘duh!’ did not go unnoticed. “We should find the gate, stop the demons and seal the gate for good.” She looked surprised that she had to explain the basics to the hunters.

“And do you have any idea how to do it?”

After giving ‘everybody knows that’ look, Anna replied:

“We just gotta do as Dhul-Qarnayn did. Place pure iron blocks, heat them up and cover it with melted copper. It would be sealed permanently and it would take a millennia or two before they can find another one.”

“Perfect. Let’s do it.” Dean was tired of all these long scholarly talk, especially the cockiness of angel. He needed the action, and he needed it like yesterday.

“We can’t go there without a plan. The demons... they probably kept the place secured against angels. We gotta learn their numbers first.”

Suddenly Anna looked irritated.

“Anna, is there a problem?”

“I gotta go. Angels… they are looking for me. Gotta go.” And she practically fled the room, leaving the hunters alone with their confusion.

“So much for the angel help.” Dean cut the silence. “Come on guys, those demons are not gonna kill themselves. Let’s find the freaking gate before the gladiators beam into our world.”


	3. The Truth

**_Season 1, Episode 22: Devil’s Trap_ **

**_POSSESED!JOHN:_ ** _Your Dad – he’s in here with me. Trapped inside his own meat suit. He says “hi”, by the way. He’s gonna tear you apart. He’s gonna taste the iron in your blood._

****

**_Season 2, Episode14: Born Under the Bad Sign_ **

****

**_JO:_ ** _I know demons lie, but do they ever tell the truth too?_ **_  
_ **

**_DEAN:_ ** _Uh, um, yeah, sometimes, I guess. Especially if they know it'll mess with your head._

* * *

 

 

“You are sooo pretty, Dean. Fucking pretty, like a fucking girl…” John hissed between his teeth, “Fucking beautiful…So sweet…” and kept going on and on…

Dean was not listening to the words his dad whispering into his ears anymore, they were all the same. He tried to relax himself under the heavy weight of the hunter and waited for him to be done. He tried to forget the hands roaming over his body, pulling his hair, digging into his flesh… the stubble scratching his skin like sandpaper… the tongue licking his face, leaving a trail of bad breath… the teeth piercing through his skin… and the fucking pain in his ass. The heavy tequila smell coming from John’s breath was burning his nose, he tried to turn his face to the other side but his father held him tight, catching his hair.

“Don’t you fucking move!” he hissed. “Are you disgusted of me now?”

And Dean stopped, clenching on the two sides of the pillow kept waiting. He did not want John to raise his voice; did not want Sam to wake up. John had been too impatient to go to the other room; too drunk to care and Dean, as always, too weak to force him to do anything. They ended up _doing it_ in the very room his kid brother was sleeping. He was ashamed being under a man, more so being under his own father. He was ashamed of his tears, the smell rising from his ass, the grunts his father making… he did not need anyone else to be witness his weakness, his guilt. And he definitely did not want his kid brother to witness such a disgusting act. But as if demons heard his thoughts and created the worst possible scenario, he saw the blanket on the next bed stirring. And a small, blond head rose.

Dean froze for a minute. He tried to reach his father with whispers but John was drunk as a skunk; his hearing threshold was somewhere close to chainsaw level. The whispers were not going to register to him and Dean was sure his voice would not go any higher than that at this moment. To his horror he heard the sweet voice of Sam.

“Dean?” curiosity of a 10 years’ old was ringing in the voice.

Dean could not answer him; but at least finally John realized the third person in the room and froze under the comforter.

“Dean?” the kid asked again.

“Go to sleep, son.” John’s voice was deep and harsh with liquor. It was definitely not a voice that could calm anyone, never mind a child.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice now was trembling with fear.

Dean knew he had to answer. He tried to gather all his strength and courage, forced himself to smile so that Sam would not understand the wrongness in the room even though it was too dark to actually see a smile.

“It’s OK, Sammy; go to sleep.”

“But I wanna join.” Sam replied with a different voice that no way belonged to an innocent kid. Sam was out of his bed now, standing next to Dean. His tiny hands reached to Dean’s face, his fingers mingled with John’s in his brother’s hair. “Can I join you daddy?”

Dean’s whole body trembled with fear when he heard his father’s answer. Sam was growing in front of his eyes now, getting taller, wider, bigger. Bigger than Dean, bigger than their father… And his huge weight replaced John’s on top of Dean’s back.

“You’re right, dad. He is so fucking fuckable.” The _old_ Sam added. Now it was his breath poisoning Dean, heavy with the smell of blood.

Dean was in shock, he felt his brother’s huge hands reaching to his already abused hole, trying to find their way in. Something was wrong, too wrong. It was not how it had happened. Little Sammy had woken up from a nightmare, started to cry and cause John to sneak away, leaving them alone. Dean had lied claiming that John had been tending his wounds and Sam had not asked any other questions; his mind heavy with his own nightmares. Dean had hugged his kid brother tight between his arms and slept with him.

It had not happened like this. Sam would never do anything even close to this. His Sammy! It was a nightmare, Dean knew it; but could not shake himself awake. Suddenly, he felt the new and a slightly bigger bulge between his but cheeks. His voice finally came back to him cascading:

“Nooooooooo!”

XXX

“Dean, Dean! Wake up man.”

Dean woke up. His breath was heavy; he was on the edge of crying, again.

“Fuck!” was the only thing he could murmur before going to the bathroom. When he was out, he found Sam was staring him.

“Just a nightmare.” He felt he owed an explanation after waking his brother up in the middle of the night and added with a smirk “Anyways, we have work to do. I’ll just start early.”

XXX

“Are we sure this is the place?” Dean asked.

“For the thousandth time, yes!”

“Gee Bobby! It’s only the second time I’m asking. Take it easy man.”

Bobby only grumbled. They all were nervous. Bobby spotted the place three hours ago and since then they were waiting for something, anything to come out or get in. There was not a single soul passing by the abandoned building and Dean was restless.

“Maybe they already started the business. Maybe we should go in.”

“For the thousandth time, no! We’re not going in without knowing how many demons we’re dealing with.”

“I think Dean is right Bobby.” Sam finally took a side, and at Dean’s surprise, his brother’s side. “Maybe they are ready to start this thing and there is no way of knowing while waiting here.”

“And what? We should get in half cocked and get ourselves killed?!”

The brothers gave each other an understanding look.

“We can try to pull the trick we did in Colorado, with Hendrickson. Cover all the exits and-”

“How are we gonna cover the exits boy. The building’s a freaking ruin; there are more holes than walls over there.”

“But we gotta do something Bobby. We can’t wait our fingers up to-” But Dean’s words were cut by Bobby.

“Shhh… Someone’s coming.”

All three focused on their binoculars. A black SUV parked right in front of the building and five men got out. Hunters were already sure that they were demons even before seeing what they were carrying inside the building.

“Five girls… And I don’t think they were invited for an odd dance party.” Dean said with a serious voice.

“They gotta be the blood sacrifice for the door.”

“I didn’t know there was a blood sacrifice?” Dean was surprised.

“Me neither; but what else?” Sam answered matter of factly.

Dean turned to Bobby, “So, Bobby… I don’t think we don’t have the luxury of waiting now.”

“Fucking demons!” Bobby agreed.

XXX

Dean took the sewer way to enter the building while Sam and Bobby covered the back door. Sewer was warmer and fuggier than the young hunter expected but he could manage to find the entrance to the basement. But before he could get in, he felt that odd feeling, the faint breeze of wings flapping. He called unintentionally before turning back:

“Anna?”

“Guess again.”

“Cass?! “ Dean stared into the ice blue eyes for a moment “I wasn’t expecting you. Finally decided to help?”

“I can’t.” Cass replied and then added in a hurry “I can’t get into the building, the sigils…”

“Right. So, why are you here? Miss me? Or wanna kidnap Sammy again?”

“I’m here because Anna asked me to.” Cass sounded cold, a different kind of cold. Dean would say pretended if he did not know better.

“Where’s Anna?”

“She had to return back home, can’t come.”

“What did you do?” Dean could not contain his anger inside. He wanted to slap and shake Castiel, bring some sense to his angelic brain.

“I do not have to be here, you know. It’s just a favor; Anna asked me to tell you something.”

Dean could swear he saw regret in the angel’s eyes if only for a moment.

“Waiting…”

“You cannot seal the door. No human can.”

“But Dhul-Qarnayn-” Dean started his protest.

“He got help. You need help.”

“You?”

“I can’t do it either.”

“Are you gonna fucking tell me already or we gonna keep doing this” Dean was losing his patience; this stupid angel always had this effect on him.

“You need to summon a djinn.”, seeing the scoff on Dean’s face he continued, “A very old and powerful one. An elder Marid, one of those who served Dhul-Qarnayn.”

“And I am going to do that how?”

“Here, use this talisman. It contains ashes of Dhul-Qarnayn, he will listen to you with this. And give these to Sam and Bobby, these are protection against Marids. You have to be the one summoning him though, make sure it is not Sam.”

“Why?”

“Just listen without asking a question… just for this once Dean, please! I don’t have much time.”

“Why don’t you have-?” Dean started but seeing the frustration on angel’s face he let go, “Whatever… I’m all ears.”

“Marids are more powerful than most of the creation and they don’t like to be bossed around. And you’ll find him not as patient as I am; so please, be careful. If he puts his mind to it, he’ll find a way to destroy you. Don’t keep him around long, ask him to close the door and free him immediately after that.”

“What if he doesn’t wanna close the door?”

“He will. Marids hate demons. And, they have this family enmity going on with Gog and Magog. He’ll help. But you need to free him as soon as he’s done. This is important, Dean. You have to-”

“I got it already.” Dean cut him, “I’ll free him and hope he won’t turn back to bite me in the ass. I’ll hold on a silver knife and lamb blood-”

“It won’t work on Marids. He is not a low level djinn in the corporal form. There is no way you can kill him. Believe me, he won’t dwell here, Marids don’t like to mingle with humans. If you free him without ridicule, he won’t come back. Summon him closer to the gate, so he won’t suspect your intentions. You gotta free him no matter what after the door is sealed.”

“OK! OK! I’ll free him, dude. So… how am I gonna summon him?”

XXX

When Dean found where the prisoners kept – demons did not bother to put a guardian- he sent a text to his brother, ‘Found humans. Getting them out. Wait for me!’ And before he could manage to open the locked door he received the reply ‘Found the gate. North end. 10 min.’ Sam was always fast with this texting business.

Of course it took him more than 10 minutes to lead everyone to the sewer door and then seal it with salt to prevent demons to run after them. When he was on his way to the north side of the building, he heard Sam’s voice filling everywhere. He would never guess that tiny speaker can make that much of a sound. Without losing any more time, he started to salt every door, window or crack he could find on the way.

Demons, 12 of them to be exact, were running each and every way trying to be saved from the exorcism. Some of them could find an opening and jumped out of the building; some were stopped by the holy water by Bobby and got on their way to hell. Few were killed with Ruby’s knife by Dean. It was mayhem; but it was over very soon.

 

They gathered around the gate, which was more like a wide, shallow well on the ground; disappointingly crude for something this dreadful. Dean gave the protection talismans to the hunters, summarized Castiel’s words.

“I don’t know Dean. Marids aren’t a joke, boy. Are you sure we can trust your feathery fellow.” Bobby had doubts.

“I don’t see any other options here Bobby. Demons’ll be back any second now, most probably stronger and we don’t wanna risk losing the battle right now.”

Bobby could not insist. He did not trust this plan much, but Dean was right; it was the only one they had.

When Dean was done with the summoning ritual, with an ear shuttering noise, some sort of lightening –a fascinating beam of light- formed in front of them, accompanied by dark blue clouds. When the clouds cleared they saw a giant blueish corporeity, semi-transparent and fluidy. It was impossible to grasp its features since they were changing constantly, like a liquid trying to fill its missing cup.

“Hey?” Dean asked awkwardly, without thinking of a better start.

“You just performed your biggest mistake human! You dare to summon a Marid without knowing its true name.” The sound was deep, like coming from underwater but strong, and most definitely demanding respect in a scary way.

“Look dude, I don’t have time to set the relationship straight. We got a door to seal and I was told you’d be happy to do it for us.”

“Who tricked you into this?” His laughter was almost visible through his voice. It was not a cold laugh per se, but it had a physically cooling effect on the air.

“You probably don’t know him. Castiel, he-”

“Your pathetic tongue makes his name sound funny; but I do know him. I’m going to let you live till you explain yourself for the sake of my old friend.”

“Demons trying to open the door for Gog and Mogog-”

Suddenly the shape got lost in front of them. Before they can grasp what’s happening he was back.

“Those filthy little bastards will not cease to try huh?” he approached Dean, got very close. “I can smell Dhul-Qarnayn on you. I bet Castiel told you that it’d hold me under your control.” Suddenly he was close to Bobby and Sam, “Or these puny bags ’d protect you against me! Your angel friend is naïve. Castiel was always so naïve. Poor thing, his naivety is not going unpunished I heard, like all good deeds. ” He concluded with an icy laughter.

Dean tried to swallow the gulp, “Are you gonna help us or what?”

“I’ll close the gate. It’s not because you’re asking or because I wanna help YOU. It’s because I don’t want any of those fuckers to see the sunlight again.”

“Here, we have the iron and copper.” Sam jumped into the conversation, dropping the heavy bag in front –or back or whatever- of the djinn; and felt he was soaked in the blueness.

“Look who is here. I can still smell the demon in you. Oh, should I say the demons? You tried to clean yourself human; but it’s not gonna work, you know. It’s part of you, it’s your own essence, BOY KING. You can’t clean yourself from your own essence. You smell disgusting; just like them.”

“Leave my brother alone.” Dean could not stand the way Sam immersed in the blueness. He could hear that the djinn was talking to Sam but it was not loud enough to understand what he was saying.

“I can smell you in him too.” said the Marid in the same low voice, surrounding Dean this time. “Such devotion for your brother! Too bad it’s not gonna work at the end.” He stopped talking for a while, as if trying to see the effect of his words on Dean; and continued raising his voice for everyone in the room to hear him, “I kinda like you. Dean is your name, right? And believe me it’s not a common thing. In my life – which is almost as old as this earth itself- I only liked two men… you’re the third. Everyone believes that Dhul-Qarnayn held us against our will, controlled us.” He got closer to Sam again. “Like you and your power over your demonic friends. But no, it wasn’t like that. We liked him. He helped us and thus we helped him.” Suddenly his voice rose a lot more, trembling the building, “He never tried to bind us like you are doing. A putty human trying to hold a Marid against his will.”

“I don’t wanna hold you or anything. I just wanna close the fucking door. That’s all.” Dean answered, trying to get between the other hunters and the obviously angry Marid.

“So you are gonna free me.”

“Yes, told you. I’m not good in long term relationships with creatures, you know. Actually, I’m not good in long term relationships, period.”

“You don’t wanna ask me about Lilith’s plans? Hmmm? Where you can find her. How you can kill her.” He got really close to Dean then, surrounding him completely and whispered into his ear, “The angels’ plans on your baby brother. How you can save him. You too know that he will need to be saved.”

Dean gave him a sharp look. Now he understood why Castiel was asking him again and again to let the djinn free. He never expected such temptation to hold him bounded. But he was not stupid to try such thing.

“No. I… we’ll figure these things out in good time. Just seal the door, and you’ll be free as a bird.”

The Marid stopped talking for a while. His blue essence roamed in the room. “These iron blocks are as useful as you humans to stop Gog and Magog.”

“What do we need-” But before Sam could finish his question the Marid was gone; and back with a truck load of iron blocks.

“Stand back humans, you do not wanna burn yourself with djinn fire.” and let out another freezing laugh.

Dean could not help but whispered his brother’s ear “I believe he thinks he is actually funny.”

The Marid did not respond even if he heard the mocking. He was busy with the gate. After filling the well with iron blocks, he placed sheets of copper on it and stood on top of it. The blueness got more and more concentrated over the well, and the color was getting darker. The temperature of the room increased with an incredible speed. The hunters stepped back more, to protect their face from the heat bursting from the gate, from the djinn.

In less than 5 minutes the hunters had to leave the building since the temperature got incredibly high inside. The whole now area was hot as if there was a huge fire with invisible flames. When it started to get cooler, they saw the Marid coming out of the building.

“The door is sealed.”

“Are you sure they cannot open it by melting it or something?” Sam was skeptical about the whole iron fortified hell gate idea.

“There’s no door to open anymore.” The djinn sounded intimidated. “You can go and check if you like. They need to find another door to come out, but don’t think it’s possible.” than continued with an audible grin, “Now free me human.”

“You are not gonna get a bite of us, are you?” Dean asked.

“You think keeping me bounded is gonna help if that was my intention.”

“Guess not. OK. You are free now. Just go. Thanks for everything I guess.”

Dean was expecting him to get lost immediately but the Marid was still standing -or floating more accurately- in front of them.

“You don’t know how to free me? I better kill you for your stupidity and you should thank me for that. You learned how to bind a Marid but didn’t bother to ask how to free him?”

He sounded really pissed off and Dean had faced enough pissed off creature in his life to know that he had to calm him down, now.

“Don’t get angry, due. We were in a hurry; you know the seal, the gate, your ugly relatives visiting... But, I’ll figure it out.”

But the blueness started widen out in every direction. And the temperature was rising fast, again.

“Dude, calm down. Why don’t you tell me how to do it. I’ll do it right away, I swear.”

“I can’t tell you that! Call your little angel for help!”

Oh, that was so not good. Dean was sure Castiel was not going to answer him right now. He tried to call his name anyways, cursing him at the same time.

“So, he is not coming, I guess. Now, I have to kill you to get rid of this bound.”

“Stop, stop OK. I can learn. Just give me one day, please?”

“OK” The Marid responded easily, and continued after seeing the surprise in Dean’s eyes. “A day might be something significant for you little humans but it means nothing for me. I’ll give you a week instead, because of my old friend Castiel. I happened to know how much he… _values_ you. And just that you know; you can’t hide, Dean. You can’t even run from me.” And the Marid left, just like that.

“Fuck! Fucking Castiel! Fucking angels! Fucking-”

“Calm down boy. We’ll find it; it’s just a spell” Bobby tried to ease the young hunter.


	4. On My Watch

**_Season 5, Episode 16: Dark Side of the Moon_ **

**_DEAN: … “_ ** _You ran away on my watch. I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead. And when Dad came home…”_

* * *

 

“I’m gonna ask one more time Dean. And you’re gonna answer me straight! Why did he leave?”

Dean did not know what to say. It had been almost a week that Sam was lost. He had been constantly searching, without any break. He had hoped that his father would somehow find his brother when he returned from the hunt. But it had been two days after he had joined the search but they still did not have any clue. And as if it was not enough, now John was drunk… How was Dean going to explain that his little brother wanted to leave this life; he was fed up with moving, fed up with fighting, fed up with his father. He wanted to run away even if it was just for a little while and had asked Dean to join him. He wanted to teach John a lesson that they were not his obedient little soldiers to carry around whenever he wants. That they have their own lives, schools which require staying in one place at least for a semester. That they had a limit and enough was enough.

“He wanted to have a vacation sir. And I said we have to wait for your return. He didn’t talk to me afterward, so…”

That was all he could say; he was not going to risk pissing off the drunken hunter right now. He was almost certain that his father did not believe him, but did not show any sign of disbelief; simply kept drinking.

On the other hand, Dean was burning with curiosity. Why on earth did Sam want to leave so bad? At first, he was sure that it was Sam’s usual adolescence anger management problem. But, it was getting more and more disturbing every passing day that Sam stayed missing. Had he been… No, no… There was no way. Dean had never left them alone when John was drinking and always checked for the signs. If it had happened, he would have known. But, what if… No, no it was not the time to dwell on such doubts. Sam was an angry teenager and just wanted to behave like one; like those carefree, selfish, spoiled, ‘everybody is going to be sick with worry and finally understand my real value’ kind of teenagers.

“You wanna tell me something boy?”

“No, sir.”

No, Dean did not want to mention his doubts. Did not want to think the other kind of teenagers that he had seen in the dark corners of every city they visited. The ones that were running away from the horrors of their own household -only to find a worse hell on the streets. No, no… Sam would have told Dean. Of course he would. He knew that Dean would protect him. He knew that he could trust his big brother. But… There was that small but; that tiny, little pestering doubt. What if that fight was Sam’s way of _telling_. What if his brother could not bring himself to describe the truth but had tried desperately to reach him in the only way he could?

‘ _Why do you always take his side Dean_?’

‘ _He’s crazy Dean, you know that._ ’

‘ _We can take care of each other, hell you are taking care of us since forever._ ’

‘ _Why won’t you listen to me? For once!_ ’

‘ _Please, Dean, please…_ ’

Fuck! He had not heard the possible meanings underlying these words back then. But now, his father drinking right in front of him, the smell of whisky filling the room, the bloodshot eyes staring at him… all of those words meant something other than saucy remarks of a pissed off, spoiled teenager. Something dreadful. God, no! It was not possible. They had that silent agreement with his father; as long as Dean was complied, John was not supposed to touch Sammy. Although they had never spoken on it, he was sure they had that agreement. Yet, the uncertainty was killing Dean.

“Sir…”

“What?” John sounded almost broken, lost in the bottom of his bottle.

“Sir… You…” Damn, it was hard to ask out loud. “Dad, you didn’t touch him, right?”

John slowly raised his eyes to his eldest, but did not answer.

“Dad, please. I gotta know for sure. You didn’t, right? Please, dad; please... Tell me you didn’t.”

Dean could not live with himself if his brother was going through _that_ under his nose.

“You fucking bastard!” John’s backhand found his place on Dean’s cheek. It came so fast that Dean could not find time to take his guard.

“You think I don’t know that you’re fucking around when he went missing?”

Dean did not know that his father knew what he was doing; but it was not at all surprising. John was a hunter, a darn good one searching for his missing son; of course he would find out about that incident.

“And now, trying to put the blame on me, huh? Your brother might be dead for all we know. Because you can’t keep your cock in your pants long enough. And now you blaming me?!”

Dean knew that it was his fault that Sam was missing. The kid was his responsibility and he had left him alone at home when Sam needed him the most. He went to fuck some stupid girl, to channel his frustration into something pleasurable. He was away only for two hours, but that was all it took for Sam to be lost from the face of the earth. Dean knew his crime. But his father still did not answer the question eating him.

“Please, dad. Please tell me you weren’t-”

John’s answer came in form of a fist and left its mark on Dean’s cheekbone. Without losing anytime, the second one hit the boy’s stomach, forcing the breath out of him.

“You fuck around instead of taking care of your baby brother and then…” He was so angry that it was difficult finding the words to continue. “You son of a bitch! How long were you gone? How long you left him alone to bang that bitch? Huh! How many times I trusted you with his life and you left him alone to stick your dick in any two dollar whore you found? You fucking slut!” John’s fists were raining onto his eldest almost at the same speed with his curses.

“Dad, please…”

But John’s hearing was blocked by the fury and the alcohol he had been consuming. The blows kept coming and Dean –except from turning into a ball- did nothing to protect himself. He deserved this punishment and was going to take it like a man. Hell, he deserved worse. It had been a week, what would Sammy do for a whole week? What if someone had tried to harm him? What if they had succeeded?

“You good for nothing bastard! That’s the reason you’re asking me this, right? You know you’re not even a good fuck anymore! Bitching, complaining, resisting, fighting every fucking time. You try to push me toward your little brother, huh? Is that it?! ”

“No, sir. God, no! I’ll be good. Please. I’m trying to be good. I’ll do better.”

“We’ll see about that.” He raised the boy’s head to his crotch and continued, “Show me how much you like it Dean. Show me how much you want daddy. Show me.”

Dean knew the drill. He freed his father’s cock from his jeans and took it in his mouth without losing any time. He had to work hard to get it hard. John had drunk too much today; it was always hard to get it up and even harder to reach to the finish line. But Dean’s sole experience on giving head was based exactly on drunk erection; he knew exactly what he should do, how to swallow, how to hold, how to tongue, how to swirl… And it was working. He could hear John’s moaning while the huge hands covering his head.

“You’re such a fucking cock sucker boy, such sweet mouth. As long as you keep playing like this, why ’d I turn to someone else? I haven’t touched him; no intentions doing it as long as… God! So fucking good! Take it all in. I know you can Dean. Come on, I know you want it. Show me, how much you want it, take it deep, take it all. Fuck! Such mouth! Like this, yes!”

Dean tried his best to finish it off, but John was not in the same state of mind. He took his prick out of the boy’s mouth and watched Dean. The saliva was running down from the young hunter’s chin, mixing with his blood thanks to the earlier blows on his face. John’s –now hard- cock was covered with blood too.

“Ride me.” he did not need to elaborate. He just lay down on the floor and waited for his son to get rid of his clothing. “Come here.”

When Dean got close enough, his father shoved his hand into the bloody mouth to cover it with the slick spit/blood mixture and without any other preparations stuck two fingers into the boy’s ass all the way in. Dean was grateful to, at least, have that. He was expecting worse; he deserved worse. After a short finger fuck, John took his fingers back, not minding where his nails scratching. Dean did not have to ask, he sat on him slowly till his father pushed him down to his balls.

“I swear you’re tight as a fucking virgin! How you managing this? All that slutting around and still tight as a fucking duck’s ass?!”

As if Dean could not feel how tight he was. He was splitting into two with the pressure, without the proper preparations. How come John was expecting him to be ready every time? It was not like they were doing it that often; every other month was not supposed to do any help. Was he actually thinking that Dean was doing with other men too?

He kept riding on the older guy; tried his best too. But, he was too dry to maneuver and he could not keep the thing hard inside him just by the up-down motion. Shit! Apparently his father had drunk even more than he had thought. Very soon it became impossible to keep the limp thing inside his hole.

John’s fury was massive. He got so angry with the frustration that he threw his son over; yelling all the humiliating words known to men while kicking mercilessly. Dean now was scared; for his life scared. He knew his dad had anger issues when he was drunk; but he had never witnessed the drunk and ‘can’t get it up’ fury before. He turned himself to a ball again and waited for the anger to pass. Suddenly, the kicking stopped. He hoped that the liquor finally took over and the older hunter passed out. But the metal grabbing his wrists proved otherwise. John was chaining him with the silver handcuffs that they used on monsters. He did his best to stop begging, knowing it would only anger his father more -if it was even possible- and tried to comply when John was dragging him to the bathroom.

“Dad, what you doing?” Dean could not help asking when the older guy grasped his, unfortunately hard, cock.

“You’re trying to mock me, son?” He answered, pulling the member hard, really hard. “You’re trying to prove that you’re a better man than your father?”

“Dad, please… Sir... Please.” Was it even possible to explain to the drunk -and furious- man the male physiology and the role of the prostate? That Dean would give anything not to feel any pleasure of their actions. That he himself hated being aroused by his own father’s abuse. But there were no words that could reach the hunter fixing his son’s cuffed hands to the pipes on the top of the bathroom wall.

“You prefer fucking others I see. And come home too tired to please your old man, is that it? You use all your allure, your tricks on strangers. I should just cut your dick!”

He would not, would he?

“Dad, please dad. I’ll try better. I promise, sir. Please. Let me try again, please.” But he could not continue the conversation when John’s iron grip on his dick and balls became the worst pain he had known. He only could manage screaming in agony. His dick was still probing with pain even after the hunter let it go. But he could at least breathe now. And his cock finally got the memo and started losing its shape.

“Oh, you aren’t gonna get it down, now that I started to enjoy playing with it. Keep it up.”

“Sir… I’m sorry sir… I just can’t.”

Dean was not lying. With the amount of pain he went through there was no way he could get it up anytime soon. But John was a stubborn guy, even when he was drunk. He just shoved his fingers in the boy’s ass and found the little node that is responsible for the hardness he was enjoying before. And his cock proved that Dean was wrong. To his sheer surprise he realized that he was getting hard again; and it did not miss from his attention that his dad was also getting aroused. The member, which had been practically like jello while fucking his son moments ago, now became as hard as it could. He enjoyed inducing pain more than fucking! Gotta be Dean’s lucky day.

“Do you think it is a good idea Dean? Let’s get rid of this thing permanently, huh?” He asked while pushing his nails in the very sensitive flesh.

“No, sir. I’m begging you please.”

“But it is too distracting for you Dean, don’t you think? I mean look what happened. If you weren’t following your dick blindly, Sammy’d be here with us. Safe! And you wouldn’t be too tired to do your job.” John was explaining very calmly while dragging his nails over the length of the prick, leaving a blood trail behind.

Dean was trying to free himself from the bindings, to protect his agonizing organ; hopelessly fluttering and writhing. But he was completely at the mercy of his father’s whim.

“Sir, please. Please no…. Please…”

He lost track of time, had no idea how long his dad kept torturing his dick till it became physiologically impossible for him to get it up even with the heavy pressure applied in his ass. Only after that John let the pained organ hang bloody and claimed his son’s ass. It took him long time to finish; but Dean did not mind. As long as the mind crashing pain on his dick was gone, he was not going to complain about anything. He could wait till John was done. He would fall sleep after he cum and finally leave Dean alone. So, he received the brutal thrusts without complaining, without resisting; knowing it would be over soon.

XXX

Dean woke up covered with cold sweat. It was a first that he woke up from a nightmare without screaming or sobbing. He caught Sam’s eyes anchored on him.

“Sam? You’re staring at me.”

“You looked disturbed. Was trying to decide waking you up. Nightmare?”

“No, I was in striptease heaven, trying to choose a girl for the lap dance.”

“It’s a mystery how you could manage to hustle people. You suck at lying, man.”

“Hey! You only catch it because I taught you everything about lying.” And he changed the subject “Any leads?”

“Not yet. But we will find it Dean. Don’t worry.”

“Do you think he was telling the truth Sammy?”

“About what?”

“That he had the answers.”

“I don’t know man. Marids are not known by their love for humanity, so I doubt that he’d want to help us. But it’s a possibility. In the lore it says that they can tap into the conversation between angels and the heaven. He might know some stuff that no one is telling us; but it doesn’t mean that he’d tell us the truth.”

“Yeah, I know.” Dean fell deep in his thoughts then. He was not sure that he wanted to know the divine plans. For some reason he could sense that he would regret learning them.

XXX

They tried every available source they could find, every hunter they knew... But nothing, nothing came out.

“It’s a fucking ancient son of a bitch; no one is alive to know anything!” Dean was angry. He had less than a day left and they had absolutely zero information on hand. “I swear it’s like waiting for those hell hounds again.”

“We’ll find it Dean. You just rest a bit.” Sam tried to sound hopeful. “I’m gonna try the university library.” He gave the ‘take care of him’ look to Bobby and left the room. He knew the library was not going to give him anything new, he had tried it before. But he needed to be away from Dean to reach his source, the last resort. He had tried everything available. He had even tried to call Anna and Castiel; but heaven was not in a caring mood apparently. So, he had only one option left.

He stopped at the first paid phone on his sight and dial the number he knew by heart.

“Sam?” Ruby sounded surprised and happy.

“Ruby, I need information and I need it fast.”

“Oh I’m good thanks for asking. It’s been more than a month and you can’t even-“

“I don’t have time for the whining, Ruby. I’m serious.” And Sam told their problem with the Marid.

“I’m sorry, Sam; but I don’t know how.”

“But you can find it. I know you can. Please Ruby. I’m begging you.”

“I’ll try my best. But you try to answer your phone this time.”

“I will.” He added before closing the phone, “Thanks.”

Sam knew that Dean would go ballistic if he knew his brother asked help from a demon; especially the one Dean hated the most. Yeah, Sam was sure Dean hated Ruby even more than Lilith. He would not trust the solution coming from Ruby either. But Sam could not live with himself if he did not tried every possible way to save his brother from this stupid Marid. He lived without his brother longer than he could endure and did not want to suffer the same torture again. He knew Dean would kill him if he said it out loud, but he would sell his soul without a blink if there was a snowball’s chance to save his brother. He had no hope of ending up in heaven anyway. He probably was destined to hell even before raping his own brother, thanks to all the demon blood he was savoring last year. So, by selling his soul he was not going to end up somewhere worse… No need to dwell on these false hopes though; there was no demon stupid enough to come close to Sam Winchester to seal a deal. So, Ruby was the only hope.

XXX

Of course Ruby found the spell. She had more resources than Sam could even imagine. Sam even could manage to meet her without raising any suspicion to get the information and the -absurd is the only way to describe- ingredients. It was an ancient and strangely simple spell. Sam was not sure if Dean or Bobby suspected how he could find and prepared the spell; but neither of them said anything.

The Marid showed up in the same manner he did previously; blue lightening and clouds. He looked at –more like the blue essence concentrated around- the prepared unbinding spell.

“Nicely done. You guys are not bad for a human. So sad that you will perish in a war neither of you wanna be a part of.”

“What do you mean?” Dean could not help but ask.

“Dean, the warrior of heaven! The chosen one! The one saved from the pit. But you don’t know why the angels saved you, do you? But, my friend, as you people nicely put, ‘Ignorance is the bliss’. So true, especially in your case.”

“You are not gonna tell me, are you?”

The Marid came closer, surrounding Dean; whispered into his ears:

“I’m gonna tell you only one thing. Enjoy your brother’s company while you can. And know that he loves you, more than you give him credit for.” And added after a short pause, “And in more ways than you think. But he loves you nevertheless.”

“What? What does it even mean?”

But the Marid left him.

“So long, boys. I hope we will never see each other.” And just like that, he was gone.

“Dean, what did he tell you?” Sam was curious.

“That you love me.”

“What?” asked Bob and Sam in unison.

“I’m gonna miss the guy, you know. I kinda liked him.”

“What?! Dean!”

“What do you want me to say, that’s all he said. Anyways, I really didn’t want to listen to another destiny crap which we probably can never be sure if it is the truth.” And he added with a teasing smile, “And to hear that you being a chick is approved even by the creature-land is, well, how can I say it… amusing.”

“Jerk!”

“Bitch!”

“Idjits!”

They had sent the Marid back and that was the only important thing for Sam. He could not care less for the divine plans right now. And he was really happy that he had not craved for Ruby’s blood when he had gotten closer to her. It gave Sam hope. Maybe the Marid was wrong after all. Maybe he was free from it. Maybe it was no longer a part of him.

“What Sammy, no chick-flick love moments now?”

“Oh, just wait till I leave before you two start serenading.”

“Come on Bobby, at least join us for a beer.”

“I’m driving boys; you two spill some for me.”

After Bobby left, Sam lay down on the bed next to his brother. Dean was drinking beer and watching TV as if there was no apocalypse coming. Sam watched his brother. He looked relaxed, laughing over the stupid jokes on the TV. His eyes finally got their glitter, which Sam missed so fucking much, back. Dean was happy again. He was lying next to him, content and happy; and alive after a deal with a very strong djinn.

Dean caught his brother’s eyes on him.

“Sam?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you staring at me dude?”

“Cut the attitude Dean. Do I need to remind you that I saved your sorry ass? Less than an hour ego.”

“You did bro. Thanks… But I’m not gonna hug you or anything, love bird.” Dean kept mocking, “I know it’s breaking your soft heart, but-”

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself.”

“Come on dude, I’m irresistible.”

And he was… irresistible. But Sam held his tongue. There was no way in hell he could say it out loud. That he was dying to feel his brother touch, his warmth. That his scent was reminding him some very primal pleasures. That he was dying to taste that bead of sweat running down from his temple. That he wanted to see if he still tasted the same or it had all been due to the healer’s spell. Somehow he was sure that if he tasted his brother’s skin, he would feel the same pleasure. The scent was the same, so why would the taste be different, right? Not that Sam would ever try to do anything like that. He would never touch his _brother_ like that. Never, again. But, god damn, he was truly, utterly irresistible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is more graphic than the rest, but I believe the references to Flagstaff in the canon implied the worst.


	5. Weakness

**_Season, 3 Episode 11: Mystery Spot_ **

**_TRICKSTER:_ ** _This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go._

* * *

 

It tasted so good… just the way he expected: warm, soft and sweet. The way the lips were opening for him, the way the pliant tongue sliding against his, the way it was pulsing lightly with each faint whimper. It was better than he expected. Oh! So much better. When he realized the labored breathing under his mouth, he moved down a little. First sucking that soft lower lip for all its worth, he kept going down; leaving wet kisses along the way. When he reached just above the collarbone, he sucked the skin lightly; not too hard to leave any marks but just enough to get a stronger moan.

The body trembled under him when he moved his hungry lips to the side where the neck meets the shoulder. And the way the neck was revealed so open for him, so compliant, so trusting… he was going to come just thinking of it. When he used his teeth to stimulate the already aroused skin, strong hands clutched his hair; not to push but to pull to increase the pressure. This time it was his turn to moan.

He kept rubbing his leaking dick mercilessly against the hard member underneath. He put all his weight and strength on it but it was not enough. He needed more… more pressure, more warmth, more friction… He raised his head to ask for permission to indulge more. He looked into those captivating eyes, unable to speak. He was lost in the lust darkened greenness, he could only manage a soft “Dean?”

When he saw the kiss bruised lips curved into that beautiful, mischievous smile, he begged shamelessly; “Dean… Please?”

Suddenly, the lust ridden eyes were burst opened with horror. The seductive moanings turned into heartbreaking, almost silent pleadings “No…”

“Dean?” He asked in shock.

He was still achingly hard, but the –oh, he was sure tasty- member underneath was not responding any longer. The pleadings got louder.

“No! Please, no! Nooo!”

XXX

Sam woke up totally disoriented and found himself humping on the bed. It took him a second before realizing his was dreaming. Then, he heard his brothers alarmed voice from the next bed.

“Nooo!”

Dean was having nightmares, again. Sam leaped to the side of the struggling body and tried to wake his brother up.

“Dean, Dean… Wake up. Dean!”

Dean woke up soaked into cold sweat and flinched feeling Sam’s hands on his shoulders. Sam pulled his hands back as if they were burned, but kept his sad eyes on his brother’s tormented face. He tried to overlook the fact that it was probably a similar dream that caused this pain in his brother and the boner under his own sweatpants.

After catching up his breath, Dean tried to comfort his brother.

“I’m sorry Sammy…”

“Dean, what’d you be sorry for?” Sam replied with a half smile, willing his hard-on to go away or go unnoticed.

“I’m making you feel guilty with-”

“Dean, please…”

“No… just listen OK? I don’t blame you, man. I want you to know that.”

“Dean...”

“Sammy, don’t. It’s not easy for me to talk about this, OK? So, lemme finish. I know you feel guilty but IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT. I know you’d do anything for not having live through that. I know that, man. And listen to me when I say this: I DO NOT blame you, you hear me?”

“Dean…” Sam felt words were stuck in his throat. “Even if it was only for these fucking nightmares you’re suffering every-“

“The nightmares have nothing to do with you.” Dean claimed; not the whole truth, but was not a complete lie either.

Sam looked at him with questioning eyes. It was obvious that he did not believe the claim. Now, Dean had to elaborate.

“They… they’re about… you know… old… old stuff…”

“John?” Sam asked; there was no way he would call him _dad_.

Dean only gave him a slight nod and continued,

“It’s been a long time, you know. I thought I forgot about it; got over it. But, when that lady put me through that reminder course… it all came back in a wrong way.”

So, Dean was having nightmares about another family member raping him? Sam could relax now!

“Dean? Can I ask you a question?”

“Do you have to?” Dean knew he was not going to like this. Hell, he did not like the talk they already had.

“I… You know that I had no idea what’s going on, right.”

“Dude, you were just a kid.”

“Dean, I swear if I knew… After I learnt about it… I… I remembered stuff I never paid attention before. Like, you were in pain in the middle of night… awake… and…”

“Yeah, they weren’t always from the hunts.” Dean understood the question and did not want to hear it asked openly.

Sam’s head fell down.

“I never even suspected it. It was going on right next to me and… I can’t believe you’ve been through all and-”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“How could you even say that?!”

“I mean, dad… it was only when he’s really drunk he couldn’t-”

“The bastard was drunk all the time he’s at home. I don’t remember him sober between hunts or trainings.”

“Come on Sammy. OK, dad was drinking a little more than usual, but not always drunk.”

“How could you defend him, Dean?” Sam lost the control of his voice.

“I’m not defending him! I’m just pointing out the truth. You’re just glad you found a reason to bash the man as usual.”

“He… HE was abusing you constantly -God knows how long- and you’re blaming ME for being angry at him?!”

“Fuck you!” Dean could not take it anymore. As if it was not enough to deal with this shit during his sleep, now he had to go through it when he was awake?

Sam’s fury was burning inside him. He was angry at himself, at his father and at Dean for not blaming them. He wanted Dean to be angry at John; he wanted him to hate the guy. So that, he could believe that he was not as bad as his father, that he did not hurt Dean as much, that he somehow deserved Dean’s forgiveness.

“Why do you even defend him, man? You don’t have to lie to me Dean. I lived what you’ve been through. I know what he did to you again and again and fucking again! I felt every fucking thing. Don’t tell me it wasn’t-”

“Oh, I know you know everything. You told me, when-” he stopped himself abruptly; he did not really want to go there.

“When I was raping you! That’s what you were gonna tell, right?!”

“Yes! You fucking ungrateful bastard. Yes! When raping me, your brother. And let’s not forget while savoring my blood too. You told me you knew and even blamed me.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Sam was taken unawares.

“Oh, don’t give me this crap now. What happened to your anger? Tell me how I was missing my _daddy’s loving touch_ when he had stopped, huh?! Tell me how sick, how pathetic I am! What’s stopping you now?”

“Dean, no.”

“TELL ME! I know you’re blaming me for allowing him.”

“No, Dean… no… No.” How did it become to this. He was supposed to help his brother, god damn it!

“You’re wrong! I didn’t want him.”

“Dean. I didn’t mean it. And even if you wanted, it’s normal with long term abuse to have dependence on the abu-”

Dean rolled his eyes with his most cynical smirk.

“Right, hit me with collage boy stuff… I wasn’t fixated on my father, dude. I… Fuck!”

“OK, sorry… All I was saying even if you want-“

Dean could not take it anymore. He held his brother’s collar and plastered the huge body to the wall in one smooth move.

“Just because you shared couple of memories, you think you know everything huh? You don’t know shit! You hear me! You don’t know shit!”

“Dean, I’m sorry.”

“You better be. You dare blaming me while all I did was protect-” No! Oh, no! He was not going to talk about that.

“What?”

Apparently, it was too late.

“Nothing.” Shit! Shit! Would Sam leave this alone? Yeah, and maybe Lilith would become another Magdalene.

“Dean? No, no, you can’t keep it from me.”

Dean let his brother go and tried to think some kind of believable reason for his recent words. But his heart was still pounding with his recent outburst and could not think straight with all the adrenaline still floating in his blood.

“Dean! Talk to me. Were you… oh god! Were you? Oh Dean, no!”

Dean knew his brother was smart. He could always do this to Dean; pull all the secrets one way or another.

“Dean… Please, you gotta tell me.”

“Do we really have to talk about every-fucking-thing?”

“Oh, yes! About this, we do. I remember, from your memories… you stopped him once. But it continued after that. Why?”

“Same old, same old. You know how strong dad was. I couldn’t overpower him till I was 18.”

“But you could have run-”

“And leave him with you?” There, he told him.

“You…” Sam’s eyes grew wider. Although he somewhat expecting it, the reality still hurt when told aloud. He could not say anything, only kept looking his older brother, his vision blurred with tears.

“Sammy, come on. Listen to me, Sammy.” He lifted his brother face up to hold his gaze, “I was already… you know… kinda used to it. There was no reason you’d go through the same thing, man. And I was stronger… and you were so young, God, Sammy! You were so young! You’re the kindest kid I’ve ever known. How could I?! I mean, damn it, Sammy. You’re my baby brother.”

Sam could not respond. The facts hit him like a freight train, still trying to absorb.

“Sammy… It was my choice, do you understand me? I chose it. And I never regretted it, not once. You hear?”

“Dean… I’m sorry.” Words came out of his mouth slowly.

“Hey! Don’t be like that. It’s what big brothers do.”

“No, Dean. It’s what you do.”

“Yeah, I’m an awesome big brother.”

Sam hugged him tight; buried his head in his brother’s neck, and inhaled the very smell of the person who had given so much to him. He tried to suppress Dean’s memories –now crowding his head- back. Tried to get lost in the scent and forget the fear and the pain. It was such familiar scent, soothing and exciting at the same time. Nostalgic and hopeful, exotic and secure, family and seductive… it was pure Dean.

“I love you Dean.”

“Me too, Sammy… always, you know that.” After a pad on the younger hunter’s shoulder, he added, “Can we stop now… before growing tits?”

“Jerk!”

“Hey, you love this jerk; even Marids living above the oceans know that.” Dean replied messing with his brother’s hair. “Go to sleep, you look horrible.”

Sam actually needed some sleep. He had slept less than10 hours during the last week and his body was begging him for some more; after the short, nightmare cut one.

“OK. I’ll snooze for couple of hours.”

Dean mumbled something, probably shoving some leftovers into his mouth.

Although he needed it, sleep did not come easy to Sam. What Dean said should not be such surprise; sacrificing himself for his baby brother was Dean Winchester’s signature after all. He could not get rid of the memories filling his head; Dean’s memories from those long nights... and worse; his own memories of how he tortured him. The guilt was going to eat him alive and he deserved nothing less.

When the sleep finally took over, it was not peaceful at all. But still it was a sleep. He still felt energized after he woke up. He looked around to check Dean, already missing his soothing breathing. But Dean was not anywhere to find, not in the bathroom, not around the vending machines, nowhere… Impala was still outside, so he could not be gone far. His cell was still on the bed, next to his car keys so calling him was no use either. And Sam had this horrible feeling…

XXX

It had been more than 24 hours and there was no sign from Dean. Sam was going to lose his mind. He called everyone he could think of, Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, even Cassie and Lisa. He even tried to pray for Castiel. But Sam was not exactly in the angels’ “good boys” list, so there was no answer. Even Bobby was nervous. Of course he was trying to calm him, but Sam could hear the alarm in his voice when he called; claiming he had good news.

“So, what’s the good news?”

“Dean isn’t dead.”

“Thank God! You found him? Where’s he?”

“No, and I don’t know. Just he’s not dead.”

“What?!”

“I talked to a psychic. He asked around some ghosts or whatever behind the veil, and learnt for sure that Dean did not pass to the _otherside_.”

“Feeling like a ‘but’ coming.”

“But, he is hidden, hidden well.”

At that point Sam knew what he had all along suspected.

“Lilith!”

“We don’t know for sure Sam.”

“Who else Bobby?!” Sam was furious. “She’s not killing him because angles would bring him back. So she keeps him hidden. She took him right under my nose, Bobby. I was in the same room for fuck’s sake! I’m so gonna kill the bitch, I swear, I’m gonna kill her slowly. I’m gonna get Dean back for once and all.”

Although he was trying everything he could to sound angry, he actually was scared to death. Lilith took his brother second time! The same horror and grief he had felt when the hellhounds had left his brother’s broken body was rising again. But this time there was no way Sam was going to let her get away with it, he was not going to let that bitch to take his brother.

“Sam, don’t do anything stupid. Wait!”

Sam did not wait, and did the stupid. He hung up the phone, and immediately called Ruby while cursing all the angels between earth and heaven for not protecting his brother. Whatever! If those feathery dicks were slacking, Sam was going to do it. It was his job to protect his brother anyway. And if heaven was not helping him, why would he deny hell’s assistance. He knew Dean was going to be seriously pissed off. Tough! Sam had been really pissed off when Dean had gotten that stupid deal with the cross-roads’ whore. But saving the brother tramped everything in Winchesters’ book; so Dean would understand. And if he would not… At least he would be alive to hate Sam’s guts for the rest of his life!

“Ruby.” He went into business right away when he heard her voice, “Let’s kill the bitch!”

XXX

Dean looked around to see where he was. A second ago he was considering shaving his brothers eyebrows and now he was in a… a… museum? It looked like it; nice room with boring pictures and expensive –and definitely plain ugly- furniture. Suddenly he heard the familiar sound of the fluttering wings. Castiel was standing in front of him.

“Hello, Dean. It’s almost time.”

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the boys are back to the canon timeline: Dean is in the green room and Sam is going after Lilith with Ruby. That's what I learned from the boys: you might bend the destiny a little but cannot completely change it =)


End file.
